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| Before college, I never wondered about how a person was able to store and remember memories. Only after my multiple psychology classes did I learn about how the brain filters out information, places it into working memory, and finally inscribes into long term memory. I was happy for an explanation why I could not remember many events and conversations. To be honest, I thought I suffered from an extremely early stage of Alzheimer's, or something.
But if that was the case, why did I find myself remembering random conversations from elementary school when I could not even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday? I believe that recalling memories goes beyond the process of simply transferring data from working memory to long-term memory. I found myself remembering incidents that had evoked strong emotions, even if it was for an instant. Even now, I still easily recall almost drowning at the age of 6, watching the Twin Towers collapse to the ground during September 11, hitting my sister with a baseball bat on accident, etc.
Despite being a visual learner, meaningful words are almost just as easy to recall. After reading the a post about Professor Gates from the blog "The Color Line," which applies sociological concepts to race, ethnicity, etc., I instantly remembered one of the first times I had ever learned about racism.
My elementary school Science teacher, who was African American, had been telling the class about his trip to Texas. I expected him to mention something exciting; after all, he was using up class time. Instead he told us about quite an ordinary event: filling gas. As I wondered why he chose to talk about this mundane activity, something extraordinary happened. My teacher started crying in front of the class. All the students glanced at each other, perplexed and nervous. Here was this strong, tall man choking on his words with tears streaming from his eyes.
He mentioned something a man had told him at the gas station (unfortunately, I cannot remember exactly what transpired between the two). Once he regained his composure, his words became more coherent. He said something along the lines of, "Racism still exists. People think it's gone but it's not and it hurts so damn much." My mouth fell. I attended a Catholic elementary school, and I was almost certain swearing was not allowed. From then on, I figured racism must be something terrible even though I did not understand it back then. Soon after, he started teaching the lesson. I thought nothing more of the incident.
Although I had not personally felt his pain, I could still see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice. That is why I still remember this instance even when I have already forgotten so many other elementary school memories. I felt sorry for him, and I wanted to help him feel better. However at a young age, when I barely understood the meaning of racism, I had no idea what to do.
Now as a college student, I wonder if the situation has improved at all. Racism is not as overt as it once was. Unfortunately, just as my teacher said years before, it still exists in institutions, the workplace, schools, etc. I feel that because racism is more subtle, it is more dangerous. What some people perceive as just a "joke" perpetuates stereotypes that subconsciously limits others. How does one fight an invisible and elusive enemy?
If anything, we can talk. At least that shows we're still thinking.
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| Until college, I never wanted to talk about my personal tribulations. In comparison to the extensive other situations and problems other people face, I perceived my own issues as insignificant or worthwhile. Looking at how blessed I have been my entire life, despite the bad I have experienced, I thought I did not deserve the right to complain to anyone. I am not poor. I am not struggling to find food or shelter. I have people who love me for who I am.
Yet, I still found myself crying and talking with others for support and consolation when I felt myself falling apart. The stress of needing excellent grades and being forced to enter grad school to even have a job (that does not even guarantee a future). Wondering how I would even pay for grad school if I got accepted. The pressure from trying to balance my multiple involvements without losing my sanity. And many more.
My problems are nothing compared to hunger or poverty, but that does not change the fact they are still problems. And even if a problem is not as severe as another one, it does not mean it can be ignored or, even worse, insignificant. At first, I hated myself when I found myself "complaining" to other people, and I felt I was wasting their time. But eventually I started realizing something else. Every time I talked about my issues with someone, I felt better. Much better. I obtained the strength and the confidence to trust myself that I can deal with whatever issue I was facing.
And that is one less problem to deal with in this world.
No problem is petty or undeserving of attention. Moreover it is never "complaining" as long as you are taking the advice and insights of your friends and using that, along with personal initiative, to make the necessary steps to solve that issue.
Lastly, there is nothing wrong with crying. :) It is a good release whenever the emotions are just too overwhelming and unbearable. It is an indicator that we are affected by our emotions. It shows we care.
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| Last Saturday, I taught the students at Barrio Writers about analytical reading without the assistance of the other writing advisors. Despite my preparation weeks in advance about what to discuss, what to analyze, etc., I had no idea how the workshop would turn out. Could I teach them anything about finding deeper meaning within texts, or even convince them that reading can be enjoyable despite all the mental work it entails?
Originally I chose the novel The Color of Water by James McBride as the material for discussion. However, I changed this last minute and decided to use an essay by Malcolm X which all the students had read earlier. At the beginning of the workshop, I made everyone create a circle out of the desks to easier facilitate discussion amongst everyone. First I stressed the importance of keeping an open mind while reading. I figured without consciousness, one might as well not be reading at all.
Afterward we went straight to the essay. I asked students to read paragraphs, and then we would "analyze" the section after. I put quotation marks because eventually it ended up with me talking the most. Students did respond, but it was only the same 2 or 3 people (out of around 20 students). Some started getting distracted by another student's antics while others created their own personal "discussions."
Noticing the lack of participation and enthusiasm, I changed directions halfway and started asking the students what strategies they use when they read a book. My reasoning was not only to engage the students but encourage them to reflect on their own reading skills. More than half of the students contributed. Next, we discussed problems we faced when reading, such as difficulty comprehending the material or plain boredom. I felt the students learned more from each other than only me creating questions and prompting answers.
When the workshop ended, I asked two students for their opinion on the workshop. They noticed my disappointment, and one of them said something along the lines of, "Others may not be listening to what you say, but at least we are." A smile appeared on my face, and I thanked them.
In retrospect, I am not sure if the lack of participation was due to boredom or because I covered material and concepts too quickly. I would like to say I switched because they had familiarity with the text and all had copies of the essay as well. Nevertheless, I cannot help but also feel I changed texts last minute because I did not trust them to analyze a high-quality novel.
I don't know. The age range of the students is difficult (13 to 19 years old). Some are just entering high school while others are already in college; everyone is at a different level of writing. If I focus on helping those that are not as up to par, I risk disengaging more advanced students. In contrast, if I push those advanced students, the less experienced students become more aware of the lack in their own ability. In the end, someone is always left out.
But I cannot let myself be discouraged. Nothing changes the fact that these students are voluntarily choosing to spend their time practicing writing and reading although it is summer vacation. The last thing I want is for them to regret this decision. Fortunately I still have two more opportunities for teaching the kids some writing tips. The topics may be as dull as grammar/punctuation and essay structure, but I will make those two topics seem like the most fun activities in the entire world (or at least try to).
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| One of the members in Barrio Writers is also in Key Club, and she's going to UC Riverside next year. I'm going to hype up Circle K so much. Lol. | | |
| Recently, to travel to Santa Ana 3x a week, I have been using the OCTA since it is almost impossible to share one car between 3 people (my sisters and me). Initially I had misgivings about going all the way to Santa Ana from Irvine because I was unsure if I could rely on the bus to get me there consistently. I guess it is the negative mindset of many people in Irvine, who already own cars, that stems from "horror stories: they have heard about OCTA or public transportation in general. About the bus never coming and being stranded, having to deal with strangers, the bus routes being too complicated, etc.
But I decided to give it a shot, because I was sick of sharing the car and being forced to pick up my sisters if I was using it and vice versa. Also driving to Santa Ana was awful because the 405 and 55 is almost always congested with traffic. Even though taking the bus would require me to bike to the bus stop, because walking 2.5 miles takes too long, I figured biking only a short distance and having a free ride to Santa Ana without having to worry about traffic was worth the short bike ride and the longer commute time. Ultimately, my greatest happiness was that, between my bike and the OCTA, I did not have to rely on the car to get where I had to go.
The first day I took the bus was all right although there was a "small" issue. The night before, I had looked over the bus routes to my destination on Google Transit almost as badly as a person suffering from OCD. I can't recall how many times I saw the route and memorizing where I needed to get off. I thought I had it, because there was not even much to memorize! Step 1: Bike to Main/Jamboree. Step 2: Take the 53 North. Step 3: Exit at Main/Washington. The day of, I biked to Main/Jamboree and found the 53 North immediately. Even though I went there 1 hour earlier than I predicted because class had already finished, it was no problem. The earlier bus picked me up, and I placed my bike on the convenient bike stand in front of the bus.
As I was going to Santa Ana from Irvine, I could not help but glance over at who was with me in the bus. At Irvine, it was easy to keep track--it was only me. However, the closer we got to the destination, the more crowded it became. Around 5 blocks from my internship, the bus was completely packed with all the sits filled and people standing. I was the only Filipino, or even Asian, and I felt out of place but it did not bother me much. The ride itself was nice. Everyone was courteous. People held casual conversations and, even when they did not have to, people stood for seniors. But I remember one instance where a mother entered the bus with her daughter, and there was an available sit next to me. The daughter ran towards the seat, sat down, and smiled happily at her mother who was still standing up. She looked to be around middle school. Just a random observation, nothing conclusive.
There was only one problem in the entire ride. I foolishly missed my stop. As the bus automatically drives towards a stop, it mentions the cross streets. An automated voice lifelessly said... "Main/4th... Main/Civic Center... Main/8th..." My internship is near 12th street near the Main/Washington stop, so I assummed it would mention Main/Washington as well, but it never did. I felt something was wrong, but I thought nothing of it which was my downfall. When the bus passed Bowers Museum in Anaheim, I knew I messed up. I talked to the bus driver, and she gave me clear, concise directions on how to get back. I followed everything she said and getting back to Santa Ana was no problem. I was almost glad for the 15 minute detour because now I knew the can stop right at Bowers Museum (Museum trip!!).
The day after, I took the bus again and I exited at the right stop! I was lucky because a man had requested the stop because I was hesitating, yet again, about what stop would bring me to the bookstore without passing it completely. Also, to my surprise, the man who exited the bus with me was blind, or he had to be. In his hand was a white cane with a red tip, and the way he used it to guide himself going down the stairs of the bus further supported my thoughts. Regardless, it was inspiring to watch him go around the city and take the bus without anyone's assistance.
On average, if I don't make a mistake, a bus ride to Santa Ana takes around 30 minutes. Ironically enough, that is probably the same amount of time a car would need in traffic. As long as you're travelling to the same place, or look at a route beforehand, it's easy to figure out.
Even more ironically, the free bus pass that all UC Irvine students receive is going to be taken away after June 30th due to budget cuts. Just as I was discovering how convenient public transportation is! I could go on a rant about education, but that's another blog post. Unfortunately though, I could see why they would remove it. The bus pass was designed to encourage students to use the bus more and help those without cars travel around. Now, OCTA needs that same money because the amount of money UCI provides is not making up for the increased amount of students taking the bus for free. Bus fares are going up, and now I'll have to purchase a monthly pass or something. Hopefully they can at least come up with a discount for college students.
But for those who have doubts about the bus, give it a shot at least once before you judge. You might be plesantly surprised. Or have your worst nightmares be reaffirmed. 
On a random side note, why do SoCal trains keep crashing with each other? 
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